I have 400 words to say goodbye, to tell you about my best, truest, love.
So I offer the following, without translation, just for her:
My Nora had many names and was many people.
To me, she was beloved daughter, merciless critic, cheerleader, cuddlemonkey, and, as you will hear later, masterful Rickroller.
She was my baby. And, always, my friend. She was brilliant; wise, but also, to her chagrin, naive. She had an imagination that built castles in the clouds out of code, and music, and graphics, and words.
But she could not always imagine a future.
One of her friends told me, "Her heart was too big for this world." And it was. Always.
One of my friends quoted the song, Vincent: "This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you."
I am so angry at the world for not being big enough for her, for not welcoming her. For not protecting her.
But I have 400 words. And Nora was full of love and wonder.
And so I offer you a small story.
She was three. We were walking down the street in Munich, holding hands, best buddies.
We walked past a parking meter with colourful buttons and a display, and I saw a little hand snake out and push all the buttons as we walked.
I looked down at her and I said, "Nora, if you could push all of the buttons in the world, would you?"
Her eyes got huge, like saucers.
"OH MY GOD MAMA, THAT WOULD BE SOOOO COOL!!!"
I think Nora's life mission, in a sense, was to push all the buttons. It didn't matter if it was about abstract linguistics or music or physics or politics or compiler theory at 3 am, she was constantly thinking. Wheels always turning. She was brilliant. And that was hard, and lonely.
But Nora also loved hard. So hard. So many people tell me how she brought them together, made their lives better, helped them be themselves. So many people loved her.
She helped me be myself. Saved me from despair, made me actually go out and get a life again.
I just wish she were here to live it with me.
Nora, you were good, not just your pain. You were kind. You were deeply empathetic. You were the funniest and the best of people.
One of your friends stopped me recently to tell me, “You know, you’re like her.”
That is the most wonderful thing anyone has ever said to me.
Good night, sweet Nora, my Meesti. We remember you with all your names, and as long as we speak them, you will never truly die.
I love you, and I miss you.